Mistakes Women Make When Contemplating Divorce

Women are Too Nice: Since most women are typically non-confrontational, they instead “hope” that by being amicable in a divorce, the marital assets (especially the husband’s business) will be divided equally and the support for them (and their minor children) will be equitable.  Unfortunately, in some cases, their hope backfires since their husbands have different objectives as the in-spouse, who remains in charge of the business. Bottom Line: Hope is not a game plan and “nice girls” may finish last.

Women Can Be Too Emotional (and Less Intellectual): Emotions often cloud intellect.  Divorce is like any crisis.  We all have an emotional response.  Women, much more than men, have an emotional response to divorce.  Even professional and successful women have an understandable emotional response to divorce and the fear of the unknown.  Women need to focus more of their energy on the legal and economic facts instead of dwelling on less relevant (though important) issues such as their husband’s infidelity or addiction. Bottom Line: Divorce is like drowning.  The more we panic (an emotional response), the more likely we are to drown.

Women are Too Trusting (of Just Any Divorce Attorney): Sometimes even after women’s trust have been violated, they are still too trusting.  Often, in the midst of contemplating a divorce, women do not have the tools or filters to decide on the “right” attorney.  Most women (as well as men) do not have the experience or familiarity when deciding on the “right” attorney.  Women  generally rely on the advice of friends or family when it comes to selecting their divorce attorney.  However, divorce attorneys are diverse in their attitude, approach and qualifications.  Unfortunately, the attorney they choose may have been great for their friend but not for them.  Women may need an aggressive or “pit bull” attorney or they may need an attorney that can modulate or adjust their attitude depending on the circumstance.  Women may need a litigator since their husbands may be playing “hide-the-ball” or they may need an attorney who believes in mediation or collaboration as the only approach (in order to preserve the family).  Women may need an attorney that is also a CPA (especially if their case is financially complex). Bottom Line: When it comes to divorce attorneys, “one size” does not fit all. 

Women Should Understand Their Divorce: Women need to understand of the divorce process since it is their divorce.  Women who are not active participants or actively engaged in the process of understanding their divorce will be disappointed.  Women should not micro-manage their attorney, instead they should understand the overall process and objectives of their divorce and the probabilities of success for each objective by asking their attorney probing questions about their divorce.  They should understand that their case could have success several motions, of which some may be denied by the judge.  They should understand that the process of information gathering (discovery) might be frustrating and that they may never receive all the information or the cost of receiving all the information is expensive because their husbands are obstructing the process.  Before trial, women need to understand the distinction between what is right and what can be “objectively” proved (preponderance of the evidence). Bottom Line: What you don’t know (or understand) may hurt you.

Women Try to Be Financially Astute (All at Once): Since women are probably wage earners or full-time parents, they are typically the out-spouse (or not “in-charge” of the business).  As a result, they don’t necessarily know or understand the finances of the husband’s business.  However, women facing divorce attempt to instantly “digest” the financial picture of the husband’s business when they have been more involved with raising their children most of their married lives. Bottom Line: Call Greg at CROSSCOR Valuations & Forensics Inc. and tell him your financial story.  Greg will provide his financial perspective in the context of a divorce, which may be one among several points of view for women to consider. 

Important Notice
The preceding article is intended as general information and should not be considered legal, tax, accounting or other expert advice. As the author, I represent that neither the information nor its impact is comprehensive. If legal, tax, accounting or other expert advice is required, please use a qualified and competent professional.

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